THE DEERHUNTERIAN CANDIDATE Part 5

INT. JOHN McCAIN’s living room in Bethesda, Maryland. McCAIN sits stiffly facing his old friend COLIN POWELL. COLIN lets out his breath. It is as if some great weight had been pressing on him.

JOHN HUSTON as JOHN McCAIN

COLIN
I’m sorry, John. I just - for once in my life - maybe the first time - I had to make the right choice.

THE DEERHUNTERIAN CANDIDATE Part 4

Cut to EXT. WASILLA DOWNTOWN STREET

SARAH and TODD PALIN walk arm in arm past shop windows that are either shuttered, papered over or have crude hand-written SALE signs taped up above cheap Chinese-made goods & sundries.

TODD
(laughing)
That was great. Now they think you’re cool, funny, easy-going.

They continue walking in silence for several seconds.

SARAH
We’ll see how snarky Tina Fey feels when she’s outside in the snow breaking rocks in a concentration camp outside Minot North Dakota.

They continue walking past more boarded-up storefronts, and homeless men gathered around burning oil barrels.

SARAH
And that nasty little Amy Poehler’s going to be lucky if she ends up as an Ice-Road Hooker.

NO MEDIA FILTER

DEERHUNTERIAN CANDIDATE 3

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

SARAH appears, stark naked, running down the street in front of a growling red Pontiac driven by DICK CHENEY.

CHENEY P.O.V. THROUGH CAR WINDOW

SARAH, seen from behind, is running with her arms spread wide. She opens her fists to allow streamers and glitter to float out of her palms. For a split second CHENEY cannot believe what he is seeing. He turns to KARL ROVE and RICHARD PERL. They also seem astonished by what they are seeing.

SARAH weaves down the icy street. SARAH is not just running. She is leaping and bounding, as if released from gravity and entered into a realm of pure ethereal space.

TODD pounds down the street behind the Pontiac, carrying SARAH’s clothes.

DICK CHENEY
Look at that! Fuckin' chick! Fuckin' Sarah Palin!... Unbelievable!

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

The road forks, one road going high to a parking area, the other descending to the valley below. SARAH swerves up the incline toward the parking area, while the Pontiac goes straight and disappears down the hill.

EXT. HILLSIDE PARKING AREA - NIGHT


SARAH stands motionless, looking out across the valley as TODD approaches. The night is brilliantly clear and the fires from the refinery light up the sky with an eerie glow.

TODD comes to a stop a few feet away.

TODD
Sarah?

SARAH turns. Her face has a strange, distant look, and she
gives TODD an almost feral grin.

SARAH
You think we'll ever come back?

TODD
(startled)
From Washington?

SARAH
Yeah.

TODD moves up beside her. He doesn't know what to say.

SARAH (CONT'D)
I love this fuckin' place... That sounds crazy. I know that sounds crazy, but I love this fuckin' place... If anything happens, Todd, don't leave me there. I mean it. Don't leave me... You gotta promise, Nick. You gotta promise me that.

TODD
(half laughing)
Sarah --

SARAH
Promise! You gotta promise!

TODD
You got it.

SARAH lets out her breath. It is as if some great weight had been pressing on her.

TODD
(with a laugh)
Let's go huntin'. I mean it - let's do it!

THE OPENING CREDITS CONTINUE ROLLING

THE DEERHUNTERIAN CANDIDATE

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER JON WINET
WRITTEN & DIRECTED BY SCOTT SMITHEE

STARRING:

RICHARD PRYOR as BARACK OBAMA
MERYL STREEP as HILLARY CLINTON
BRUCE WILLIS as JOHN McCAIN as RAYMOND SHAW
MERYL STREEP as ANGELA LANSBURY as HILLARY CLINTON as JOCELYN SHAW
JOE DON BAKER as BILL CLINTON
MERYL STREEP as SARAH PALIN
ROBERT DeNIRO as ED NORTON as TODD PALIN
CHRISTOPHER WALKEN as SARAH PALIN (sometimes)
JOHN HUSTON as GEORGE H. W. BUSH
JEFF BRIDGES AS GEORGE W. BUSH
MERYL STREEP as DICK CHENEY
ROBERT DeNIRO as JOE BIDEN
PAUL NEWMAN as EDWARD KENNEDY
NANCY PELOSI as SABRINA DUNCAN
HILLARY CLINTON as JILL MUNROE
DIANE FEINSTEIN as KELLY GARRETT

The opening credits end by fading back into the white-out of an Alaskan blizzard.

As CAMERA SLOWLY ZOOMS DOWN COLUMBINE STREET we make out, through the heavily falling snow, a group of OLDER WOMEN carrying a huge wedding cake with a miniature bride and groom standing on the top. The WOMEN are all in their seventies and bundled in boots and dark overcoats. They are moving slowly up the street, in the driving snow, with the great white cake held firmly between them.

CAMERA SLOWLY ZOOMS PAST the group of OLDER WOMEN and continues ZOOMING DOWN COLUMBINE STREET towards a vague shape that we eventually, once we get close enough, recognize as a dented two-tone pink and cream double-wide mobile home which looks as if it had been purchased third-hand off a construction site. It stands on cinder blocks in a small lot which has been cut out of the side of the hill. A wrecked school bus decorates it to the right. On the left is a bare branched tree. TODD & SARAH PALIN's snowmobiles are parked in front and a light shows from inside the trailer.

CAMERA ZOOMS SLOWLY AS IF PASSING THROUGH WINDOW OF MOBILE HOME.

INT. MOBILE HOME - DAY

SARAH PALIN and TODD PALIN sit facing each other at the kitchen table, playing Russian Roulette.

QUICK CUTAWAY TO ESTABLISHING SHOT that shows shoreline of Russia visible from kitchen window of the PALIN’s mobile home.

Cut back to INT. MOBILE HOME - KITCHEN TABLE - DAY


SARAH
You can do it, TODD.

TODD
No. No, no.

SARAH
TODD... listen to me, TODD! You have to do it.

TODD
I want to go home, SARAH.

SARAH
You have to think about this, TODD. Listen to me, TODD! You have to
think about this.

TODD
(tears again)
This is horrible!

SARAH
Listen to me, TODD. If you don't do it they'll put us in the pit. If they put us in the pit, TODD, we're gonna die... TODD, do you understand?

TODD
(nods)
SARAH, I wanna go home!

There is an EXPLOSION from the other end of the room. TODD’s eyes go wide and he lets out a whimpering SCREAM. The SECRET SERVICE AGENTS open a path and MITT ROMNEY appears. His knees won't support him and the SECRET SERVICE AGENT who is holding him throws him on the floor.


SARAH
Listen to me, TODD. Do it! You have to do it!

TODD
What are you, God?

SARAH
Listen, asshole, it's up to us!

TODD PALIN hangs his head and whimpers.

SARAH
What are you - hoping?

TODD
What else?

SARAH
I thought you might be - praying.

TODD
I'm doing that too.

SARAH
I suppose you wish you were somewhere else?

TODD
What do you think?

SARAH
TODD, you're wasting your time... Listen to me! You're wasting your time! This is no fucking time for hoping or praying or wishing or any other shit! This is it. Here we are... And we gotta get out!

TODD
You're right... Okay, you're right.

SARAH
(grabs him)
Get off your ass, TODD. Get off your fucking ass and stand up!!!

TODD
(stands)
Okay, okay!
(he straightens his shoulders)
Okay. Okay, you're right...

THE DEERHUNTERIAN CANDIDATE Part 1

EXT. ALASKA OIL REFINERY - LIGHT SNOW - DAY

The refinery is massive, grime-streaked, squatting in the valley under five massive stacks. No fires can be seen flickering through the windows and no long flames weave and dance from the tops of metal flues. No steam rises in clouds from vents and chimneys and the utter silence of it all is amplified by the falling snow.

In the foreground is a street -- COLUMBINE STREET -- which inhabits the bottom of a narrow ravine and plunges directly down the hillside, straight at the mill. Columbine is a sad looking street, a grim-looking street, a street hanging on by the skin of its teeth. Dilapidated stores hug the narrow sidewalks. Battered signs squeak in the wind. Sandwiched between the stores and scattered on twisting roads along the hillside are narrow Victorian houses. These houses, which run to three stories or more in height, all seem on the verge of toppling over, and undoubtedly would, except that they are all connected one to another by a mad arrangement of utility lines which cross and re-cross between them with occasional aid from a leaning pole.

MUSIC COMES UP -- dissonant, rather frightening music -- as we watch a snowmobile come charging up through the slush on Columbine Street. As it nears CAMERA the snowmobile falters on the slippery grade and slides out of sight. A figure appears, huddled against the driving snow. The figure disappears AS CAMERA HOLDS ON THE REFINERY AT THE END OF THE EMPTY STREET.

MAIN TITLE COMES UP:

THE DEERHUNTERIAN CANDIDATE

(V.O.) JOHN McCAIN’S MOTHER
Everything's going to slip. Everything's going to slide. Everything’s going to crash!

JOHN McCAIN’S MOTHER puts her hand to her mouth and bursts into tears.

JOHN McCAIN’S MOTHER (CONT'D)
I can't believe this... My own little boy... with a stranger!

EXT. COLUMBINE STREET - DAY

Snow is falling heavier and heavier as another snowmobile lunges up the hill, gets about halfway and slides back. As the snowmobile disappears, the door to one of the houses bursts open and a group of giggling REPUBLICAN PARTY DELEGATES begin scampering across the street. They have all been working on their dresses, which are not completely finished, and they all carry ribbons and scissors and pieces of material. As they make their way to the other side of the street they all wave away the snowflakes and grab each other for support. One of the REPUBLICAN PARTY DELEGATES loses her dress entirely and with everyone laughing she rushes back to retrieve it in her slip. When the garment is repossessed a door comes open and the REPUBLICAN PARTY DELEGATES disappear inside.

CAMERA HOLDS ON COLUMBINE STREET. The snow slants across the little stores and piles on the gables of the tipsy little houses. Another snowmobile appears, lunges at the hill and slides back. Snowfall is now approaching blizzard white-out conditions. Screen slowly fades to white as opening credits begin to roll.