ICE ROAD SUCKERS

The sinking feeling I have watching the videos of excited Obama supporters is making me wish that katie grace mcgowan were here to hold my hand or pour me a shot of bourbon or slap me a few times till I come out of my stupor. She seems to know how I am feeling right now: like I've wandered, jet-lagged & hungover, still wearing yesterday's clothes & maybe possibly not completely down off those two hits of windowpane, into a pretty scary church service. I think that everyone's chanting in English, not Latin, but I'm just high enough to not be sure. And high enough to feel like it really matters, and that I better figure it out or my soul's in grave danger. This is no metaphor. I once took far too much mescaline & watched an episode of Marcus Welby M.D. about Christian Scientists who would rather have their kid die than have Dr. Welby treat him. That deeply confusing & disturbing viewing experience turned into a many-layered philosophical onion that never got fully peeled; thank god I was saved by tequila & coke. What I mean is I've been this paranoid & confused before but dammit I don't think this is my fault. Maybe it's more like the Day of the Triffids or something. Everyone wants Obama to win, he's so great, and I mean the people around me in my daily life, not the people in the videos, "he represents change," "we have to change our country," and yeah god knows we have been savaged by our leaders for about the last - oh - since FDR maybe. And don't give me that Kennedy crap. Great speeches make for good video clips but money, guns & pussy run the show. I swear I am trying to find my typical comfortable snark level but I am too deeply disturbed at the moment. Maybe we can figure this out together, katie grace mcgowan. David Levi Strauss. Maybe I just need to use my middle name. Then it will all make sense. And of course what makes incredible sense, a stroke of genius, is the GOP suddenly becoming the plucky underdogs. This is the party of people who should be tried for war crimes, criminal stupidity, treason & barbarous inhumanity, and now all of a sudden here they are: a gimpy old grandad war-hero & his plucky, earthy, ribald, SPUNKY red-neck, white-trash, blue-something beauty-queen running mate, so inexperienced & inappropriate & small-town & ice-road trucker that (a) they couldn't have made her up, and (b) you just gotta be pulling for her. (I'm thinking a young Katy Sagal for the biopic) And here the poor Republicans are all beating little paper drums in their sodden little state-fair of a convention, so OBVIOUSLY bound for a sound whuppin' in that thar' eee-lection up agin that slick-talkin' skinny guy from Chi-town and his legions of weird goggle-eyed teenagers leaping up and down all EXCITED about being EXCITED, and his running mate Paulie Walnuts - er - Joe Biden, well gosh darn it those people make me nervous, I think I'll vote for the plucky, down-on-their-luck underdogs. As Paul Shaffer & The Weather Girls once put it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaP9eiWuX3s